I came home today and it was one of those days I wish I hadn't. The kids had been running riot since they got in from school. My wife had a face like thunder and I knew instantly what was coming. I will never learn...this has happened enough times now for me to know what not to say..."I guess they've been a nightmare then since I don't even get a hello" - now, red rag to a bull springs to mind.
She let me have it alright "And what would you know? You're at work all day while I have to look after the kids. I work, I come home to cook, clean and tidy up...I'm just a skivvy and no one appreciates me"
Now this really winds me up cos I am definitely a hands-on dad and I do my bit so we end up having an argument over the kids...again! (Why is it most arguments are over the kids?). In the midst of the row, I think to myself, blimey, it can't be that bad can it...she's overreacting. It ends up with her usually crying and me sulking.
On reflection, yes it can be that flippin' bad. My kids could make a nun swear. It must be so stressful having to be a worker, a wife, a cleaner, a mother, a cook, a taxi and maybe I don't appreciate her enough. When I have a bad day at work I can moan to my boss...who can my wife moan to? No wonder she wants to let off steam. So my question of does she resent me, the answer is no...she is a mum...the most important and hardest job of all but most unappreciated.
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I think all us Mum's have days like that. My other half gets it in the neck too. But it's good that you realise she feels unappreciated. I'm sure a hug and a few sensitive words would go a long way. When i've had a bad day, my darling man will pop out get me a bottle of wine and tell me to chill out. lol. He, like you is a hands on Dad, i'd be lost without him. I'm sure it's the same for your wife. It's just hard to see it like that when you've got kids making you want to tear your hair out.
ReplyDeleteSal. X
Such a difficult one; my husband gets it right royally too after a particularly stressful day. And I will admit I feel kinda mean doing it as I know he's been hard at work all day and he is a hands on dad. The occasional surprise the hugs and kkisses make it all right for both I think!
ReplyDeleteYou have been given great advice already, but here is just one thing I would recommend (and only just because it makes a huge difference to my days when I had a bad time with the kids): give her some time off.
ReplyDeleteIf you come home and see she had a bad day, offer to do something to relieve the pressure. Run her a bath and bring her a tea or a glass of wine, take over the kids and let her vacate to other stuff, cook her dinner... Anything that she would like you to do for her. Just ask her what is it that would really make her feel better there and then. It might be that she would like 15 min on her own to read a magazine and drink a glass of wine, or maybe she will want to get on with cleaning the bathroom without little hands trying to help or hinder :)
And the other thing, listen to her, I mean REALLY listen to her and what she has to say and show her you understand, that's probably all she needs.
Good luck :)
Hi there, popped in via British Mummy Bloggers and have just read all eight of your posts. Funny, you sound just like my husband!
ReplyDeleteI recommend that each of you have some 'me time'. My husband gets Tuesday evenings to himself while I'm at choir, and I get Sunday morning when he takes daughter swimming. I know it'll be much harder to organise with four kids, but try. You each need a break from work and family life, however much we love our kids!
WM
The key thing I resent my husband for is his ability to not hear the girls if he wants a lie in (what would I give to be able to do that!) and his ability to let someone step in (again what would I give to have someone I knew would be there to pick up the pieces if I wouldn't / couldn't)
ReplyDeleteI'm away tomorrow night for the first time since we had two and am dearly hoping that it gives him a little bit of a taste of what he's being sheltered from!
I love you for this
ReplyDelete